“I’M DROWNING, YOU STUPID”

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level.
He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he was not wearing a scuba gear.
The diver went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later.
The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, “How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?”

The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote,
 
“I’M DROWNING, YOU STUPID”

Tomato Story (I picked from someway)

A Jobless man applied for the position of “office boy” at  Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. “You are employed” he said. “Give me your e-mail address and I’ll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.

The man replied “But I don’t have a computer, neither an email”. “I’m sorry”, said the HR manager. If you don’t have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.”

The man left with no hope at all. He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US. He started to plan his family’s future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email. The man replied, “I don’t have an email.” The broker answered curiously, “You don’t have an email, and yet have  succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!!” The man thought for a while and replied, “Yes, I’d be an office boy at Microsoft!”

Clever Women, then Stupid Man

A man called home to his wife and said, “Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box? We’re leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up.” “Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas.” The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, “Yes! ! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn’t you pack my new blue  silk pajamas like I asked you to do?”

You’ll love the answer… .

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

The wife replied, “I did. They’re in your fishing box……………………..

Engineer Vs Management

A man in a hot air balloon realized that he was lost. He reduced altitude
and spotted a woman below.

He descended a bit more and shouted. “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago,
but I don’t know where I am.”

The woman below replied. “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.

You’re between 50 and 51 degrees north latitude and between 114 and 115 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the woman. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information.

The fact is, I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all.

If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”

The woman below responded, “You must be in management.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going.

You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.

You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.
 
The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, you’ve managed to make it my fault!

Our Life

On the very first day of the world, God created the
cow.He said to the cow:
“Ah Gu (cow), today I have created you!
Your job is to go to the field with the farmer all day
long.You will provide the energy to pull things!
You will also provide milk for people to drink!
You are to work all day under the sun! In return, you
will only eat grass. For that, you will have a life
span of 50 years.”
Ah Gu objected.
“What.. I work all day in the sun and I get only to
eat grass!
On top of that, I have to give my milk away!
This is tough and you want me to live 50 years! I’ll
take 20 and you can have the remaining 30 years back!”
God agreed.
On the next day, God created the dog.
He said to the dog.
“Ah Kow (dog), I have created you for a purpose.
You are to sit all day by the door of your master’s
house!
Should anyone come in, you are to bark at them!
In return, you will eat your master’s leftovers.
I’ll give you a life span of 20 years.”
Ah Kow objected.
” What!
I have to sit by the door all day and will need to
bark at people, and what do I get…LEFTOVERS…
This isn’t right, I’ll take 10 and you can have the
remaining 10 years back!”
God agreed again.

On the third day, God created the monkey.
He said to the monkey.
“Lao Kao (monkey), your job is to entertain people.
You will make them laugh, act stupid and make faces!
You will also do somersaults and swing on trees to
amaze them.
In return, you will get to eat bananas and peanuts.
For that, I’ll give you 20 years to live.”
Naturally the monkey objected.
“This is ridiculous,
I gotta make faces and make people laugh let not even
come to the part about the trees and somersaults.
Tell you what, I’ll give 10 years of my life to thank
you for my
existence and I’ll take 10.
What do you think?”
God agreed again.

On the forth day, God created humans.
God said to the man.
“You are my best piece of work, for that, you will
only need to sleep, eat, sleep, play, eat, sleep again
and do nothing else.You will get to eat all the best
things and play with the best toys.
All you need to do is enjoy all your life.
For this kinda of life, I’ll give you 20 years.”
Just like the rest, the man objected.
“What, all I need to do is relax and enjoy myself and
I have only 20 years to live?
Tell you what, you’ve 30 years back from Ah Gu, 10
years from Ah Kow and another 10 from Lao Kao and you
probably don’t know what to do with all those lifes.
Why not I take them all and I’ll have 70 years to
live?” God
being such good natured, agreed with a smile…..
AND THAT IS WHY…..
We eat, sleep, play and enjoy for the first 20 years
of our lives when we are growing up.
Work like a cow for the next 30 to raise our family.
Sit outside the door and bark at people for the next
10 when we are retired
And finally, we make faces and perform monkey tricks
to entertain our grandchildren for the final 10 years.
GET IT ?????

Appraisal Vs Resignation

Appraisal	Resignation
In an appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.	In a resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
During an appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even a 10% pay hike.	In a resignation meeting you can easily demand ( or get more without asking ) more than 50-60% pay-hike !
During an appraisal, they will deny promotion saying that you did not meet the expectation, you don’t have leadership qualities, and that you had several drawbacks in reaching objective/goal.	During resignation, they’ll say you are the core member of the team; that you are the vision of the company, and so ” How can you go ? “; you have to take the project on your shoulders and lead your juniors to success.
There is a 90% chance of not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.	There is a 90% chance of getting an immediate pay-hike after you put in your resignation.

 
Trainee : ” Yes, boss, good enough.  Now I know what to do.  
 
When you are about to do my appraisal, I will resign. “

Love Story

An amazing love story!

This is a love story between a fisherman and a princess.

Once upon a time in Marmaris, somewhere in the southern coast of Turkey, a fisherman and the daughter of a King fell in love.

However, like all of us know, the love between a fisherman and a princess simply would not get the blessings of her father. Because  of this, they would meet secretly at nights. But the old King soon learnt about his daughter’s nocturnal tryst. One night, he asked his soldiers to follow her. The soldiers returned and informed the King that every  night the princess would leave the palace and go to a small bay out of
town.

She would signal to the fisherman at the other end of the bay by flashing a light and he would come to that light to find her.

The King then ordered his soldiers to set a trap. They followed the princess, caught her and flashed a light to entice the fisherman.  

The princess managed to escape from the soldiers and ran as fast as she could to warn her lover. She realised though that it would not be possible to reach the fisherman if she were to run along the beach, so she thought she would swim. A miracle happened. Wherever she stepped into the sea, the water turned into sand; and the sand turned back into water whenever the soldiers followed her.

But, as she was reaching her lover, a soldier’s arrow meant for the fisherman struck her, killing her instantly.

The people of Marmaris say that when the blood of the princess get mixed with the sea water, it changes the colour of the sand.

Now look at the picture.

Its amazing………………

Pick from somebody forwading email by DSvT